The BDSM scene is a danger to women, that much is obvious.

Actually it’s not. I was listening to  Behind the Bastards’ podcast on R. Kelly and at one point they clarified that the conversation R. Kelly and one of his victims were having over the phone could possibly be fine because, you know, BDSM is super natural if it is done with consent. But there was no consent here, so yes, R. Kelly is in fact a rapist.

Nevermind that women may be pressured to get into BDSM because they don’t want to deny their partner something supposedly natural. And nevermind that in popular culture, everything to do with BDSM involves a dominant male and submissive women. And not just “Fifty Shades of Gray.” Anyone remember the movie “Secretary?” BDSM isn’t just a place for men to openly practice their abuse. It’s  a place were women such as the character in “Secretary” can self-harm with society’s approval. The whole scene where she looks at her bruise ans smiles…after having been shown to self-harm…I wasn’t able to finish the movie years ago when I watched, despite it being critically acclaimed and all.

None of what I described is natural or healthy, and I wonder how much R. Kelly used the normalization of BDSM to further his abuse. Thus, in what why was explaining BDSM as something healthy and normal appropriate IN A PODCAST ABOUT RAPE?

The language of BDSM was even used – “sub” and “dom.” Yet another leftist claiming to hate power structures but ignoring power structures in sex – and how that structure upholds sexism and thus the patriarchy. I shouldn’t have been surprised. The same podcast stood up for the right of “sex workers” to advertise on Facebook – nevermind that Craig’s list had to shut that shit down because of human trafficking.

I didn’t finish listening to the podcast. The woman who was basically a BDSM apologist had also tried to explain R. Kelly’s actions according to his own molestation.

Please.

Neither she nor the podcast narrator, whose name I cannot remember and don’t feel like googling, conjectured that R. Kelly did this because we live in a society in which powerful men can do whatever they want and the pedophilia of girls is normalized – regardless of whether the male perpetrator has himself been abused. There is a reason the abuse of girls by priests did not get nearly the attention the boys did. Our society has an entire culture built around the normalized pedophilia of females, and girls of color are the most sexualized and least valued.

And so here we are with the clusterfuck that is R. Kelly.

And I cannot seen to get away from plugs about BDSM. Sex positivity is everywhere and it is bullshit. BDSM is not natural, and I can’t understand why people in general, but particularly women, are defending it – why they are going out of their way to make sure everyone knows they are not judging BDSM, that they approve of it.

The personal is no longer political, and abuse apparently really is love. The one question I have always had concerning BDSM is that if someone is getting off on causing someone else pain and fear, why would they respect a “safe word?” How can you claim consent is present, clearly and respectfully, in an act based on causing fear, debasement, and pain? The two concepts simply do not go together.

I have never had an interest in BDSM. It has always disturbed me, but somehow it is being shoved down our throats when least expected – like in a podcast about a rapist.

My suggestion is to watch the Lifetime documentary “Surviving R. Kelly.” There are no BDSM or rape apologists. Social workers, activists, and other professionals with experience in domestic violence, rape, and social justice are interviewed and explain the situation without resorting to plugging abusive sex practices, the normalization of which could have helped R. Kelly facilitate his abuse. Even if you are n adult, if you already have problems with self-esteem and boundaries because of past abuse, how can you navigate BDSM? How can one be expected to tell the difference between abuse and BDSM? Even if a safe word is respected, the fact is that the “dom” thinks it is fun to torture people, and could very well have found the perfect way to structure their abuse in a way approved by society.

How is that not considered fucked up?